Wednesday, March 30, 2011


Mother Teresa once said:
To parents: It is very important that children learn from their fathers and mothers how to love one another-- not in the school, not from the teacher, but from you. It is very important that you share with your children the joy of that smile. There will be misunderstandings; every family has its cross, its suffering. Always be the first to forgive with a smile. Be cheerful. Be happy.
I think that one of the hardest things is to forgive with a smile.  To get over that hump of grief, anger, frustration... the whole "this isn't fair" bit.

The truth is I struggle, struggle, struggle.  STRUGGLE!

The last post I shared featured two very different people- one who can't seem to climb over her hump, the other who knew how to smile and forgive.  I see myself in both; although I hope to never, ever come off like the ass the chick represented herself as, I know that as a human it is certainly possible that I will.  On the same hand, fully believing that hatred in this world can and only should be met with peace, I can only hope that I will come off as the peacemaker the guy showed us we all can be even when the attacker gets downright personal.

What I toss back and forth is how to be that peacekeeper without allowing myself to get stomped on.  How to come off loving without seeming like a hypocrite who is struggling with not just sticking her tongue right back out and then waving the ol' fist in the air.

My wee boy, the one who is finding out that no matter how much he can try to push me away I will stay right there... well, he deserves to learn how to be a peacekeeper.  And truly, the only ones who can teach him that through day-to-day example, are his papa and I.  I think about my students, the ones who come from homes where there is so little comfort and so much war within, and I wonder how they will grow up knowing how to be peacekeepers.  How to love.  How to forgive.  How to smile and be happy.

I also wonder about how I will raise my son to be a strong Black man- one who is proud to be who he is and knows how to find the right resources to get him through his times of struggle.  A man who knows how to forgive while also knowing how to stand firm in his beliefs. 

I don't know.

This post... it doesn't make a lot of sense.  It's scattered.  Not centered.

I just worry.  I worry about people killing themselves because they know of no other options.  People who poke fun at other people because they lack the ability to dig deep and get a strong hold on love.  I worry about our children and not always knowing the right answer, the right response for their questions, their heartaches, their fears.

This being a mother thing.

This being in my 30's thing.

This being a human thing.

It sure can be tricky.