I can't wait for summer vacation to start. As of right now I'm banking on it to pull me and my boy closer together.
Tesoro has been home with Leone since last Friday. With the in-laws visiting, the four of them get to hang out and party like it's 1999 while I get to go to work and other stuff. It's been inclusive when I'm around, but still.
Today I saw the crew in the local park as I was returning from work. Whereas Leone has been interested in greeting me when I pick him up from child care, he could give a rat's ass today. Tesoro, on the other hand, was pointing me out like I was some celebrity. "Look!" he shouted in a happy voice, "It's mama! Mama's here!" And whether Leone responded with the same amount of glee, I couldn't honestly tell you (although I could make a pretty solid bet on that one). The river was so dang loud I could barely hear my own brain working. I approached, happy, happy, happy to have fled the work scene in which I had spent 15 minutes blushing 25 shades of red while staring at the first grade class picture (MY BOOBS ARE CROOKED IN THE PICTURE!! THEY ARE HUGE AND CROOKED IN THE CLASS PICTURE!!)- 100% ready to scoop up my Leone and smoosh him on the cheeks with wet, sloppy kisses.
The thing is, I knew he wouldn't let me scoop him up. I knew he wouldn't let me swing him around and squeal "YIPPEE!" I knew he wouldn't give me a kiss on the lips, on the cheeks, on the knees of my pants. I knew all of those things. And yet.
By the time Tesoro had left to pick things up for some family dinner plans, our boy was screaming and wailing for his papa. He was actively pushing me away, shouting "NO MAMA!" and preferring to run into each and every tree along the road rather than let me touch him (or even hold his finger, for that matter). I knew it was bad, but based on my father-in-law's reaction? Well. Let's just say it was the assurance I needed. Poor guy. He was practically begging Leone to sit on his shoulders. Talking about Tesoro. Giving me advice. Just generally uncomfortable.
Once we made it to the restaurant and Leone was able to flee my arms into those of his papa, I was ready to bawl my eyes out. It's one thing to be rejected by my son with just Tesoro around. It's something completely different to have it done in front of other family members. Friends. Complete strangers.
This is hard. And painful. And it makes me want to crawl into a shell.