Saturday, May 21, 2011

Now that feels better

Recently someone fantastic wrote about her folks finding her blog.  A blog that had been intentionally kept secret, hidden, tucked away.  In fact, if there were a key I believe it would have been used to seal said blog up all nice and tight (minus the fact that she wanted the blog to be kept public for whatever reasons she might have/had, so perhaps the key would have opened the blog a smidge).  The blog was built (I presume) to share thoughts, feelings, concerns, parenting stuff, adoption stuff, transracial family stuff... you know... stuff... with the world.  Minus parents.  And maybe other folks.

I share that story because I'm here, on a public blog, trying to keep it private.  Well, sort of.  A few folks from my family know about it, as do one or two friends down the street.  You know.  People that are part of my local tribe.

Anyway.  It was hard going from the blog that had been mine for forever and ever and ever, saying good-bye to all those google readers, and venturing forth into the land of being unknown.  I actually felt a twinge or two of complete and utter sadness when I closed the other blog.  Interesting how attached I had become. 

Thing is, it needed to be done.  And due to the crack I currently take, I have very little time for reading and commenting.  And it makes me a bit verclempt to see that people don't really read this blog (all good moments to slap myself around a bit and say, again and again- you do this for YOU.  Not for them.  For YOU.  It's your journal, you idiot.  Well, sort of your journal.  Not all the way.  But sorta.  And why should you expect people to read your blatherings when you don't read theirs?  Self-centered).

Yep.  I know.  All stuff I've said before.  But I'm saying it again, and it's cool.  You're cool, I'm cool, we're cool.  Minus the fact that I still haven't bought a swimsuit for this year, minus the fact that I didn't buy a swimsuit last year, minus the fact that I have to get over my extreme anxiety and buy a stupid friggen' swimsuit this year so I can take my precious wee lad out in the water when its hot.

(But whatever.  That's all beside the point.  All's well. Really.)

The thing is, I woke up this morning sure that I needed to start a family blog.  Although I love (love, love, LOVE) where we live, I miss connecting with the people we love who live everywhere but here.  So.  I got busy, and I made yet another blog.  And it's just for family and a few scattered friends, and it's been made knowing that people won't comment on it (more likely than not), and it's been made knowing that no one (hopefully) can take what I say and twist it into ten million razor blades in order to slice and dice, and it's been made knowing that if one person in particular decides to forward it on to her friends I won't be devastated by loss of trust due to lack of privacy.  Or something.

Anyway.  I'm feeling good about it.  I can share the goods there, and I can say my piece here.  And I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope- that the two worlds don't collide.