Wednesday, August 10, 2011


Sometimes it seems wrong to smile.  To laugh.  To make pie and eat it.

I remember when my dad died- it seemed like the world had stopped.  And that if it hadn't, it should.  And when my mom was really, really sick?  Time was measured by whichever nurse was on shift.  And the fact that people were going about their normal daily lives... it made no sense.

I feel so incredibly conflicted about the drought and famine happening in the Horn along with the reality that I am still able to open a pantry and cook dinner for my family over here in the mountains.  Along with some breakfast.  And lunch.  And snacks in-between.  And some popcorn before bed.

Oh- and I can seek medical attention whenever we need it.  Or even if I don't need it.  And the most recent visit to the dentist?  Yeah, even without dental insurance I could still afford to get my teeth x-rayed and cleaned.

Shouldn't our lives be on pause while we figure out how to make things better?  Shouldn't we all be struck by how horrifying this is?  So much so that we are all gathering forces together and finding solutions?

I am incredibly frustrated by many things.  Why am I not brave enough to sell our house, our cars, quit my job, and give all the money and my time to help?  How dare I buy that Italian ice at the Farmer's Market.  How dare I even be out, driving my car and wasting gasoline when there is so much need and sadness in the world?

Conflicted.  Terrified.  Unsure.

Trying to do my best.

How I wish things were different....