Things have changed now- there's a wee boy in my life, a wee boy who likes to roar like a monster and cruise his bike down the Blvd. A little person who has changed me in more ways than I thought possible; made me more of a woman... more compassionate, more patient, and yes- even more frustrated (oh wait, can I admit that?). Also? This same wee boy has made me more worried. And anxious. And more everything... all so much more that I could have ever wanted or dreamed about or longed for.
Today there are sisters out there who need some of that loving support because they are still in the throes of The Wait. And although these women are so very aware of the fact that adoption is about so much more than the pain they are currently feeling, they still have the need for a loving hug or two... some words from people who know what it's like (or just want to say they care).
I was recently recalling the intensity of The Wait this morning; how one minute you are so very sad for yourself that the only thing you can think about is how crappy the pity party feels, to the very next minute in which you want to throw yourself off a high tree because how could you be feeling sad when someone else is about to experience one of the world's greatest tragedies?
Anyway. The point of this post, this very one, is not to travel back in time (but maybe later, 'eh?). Nope, the point of this post is that there are some incredible women asking for our support. They have reached out there and said, "support us! Let us lean on you for a bit! We could use your love!"
Check out what they are referring to.... It's the love that hangs from my bedpost. The love that I held on to when we found out about our boy. The love that went to Ethiopia. See, it's still there in all of it's glory:
If you feel up to it, grab a bag of skittles and baked Cheetos... maybe a glass of wine (this is a long one!)... and then read my initial plea made forever and ever ago. Then go here and here to help a sister out. You know you want to.
January 29, 2009
"We are sisters on a journey,
Shining in the sun.
Shining through the darkest night.
The healing has begun, begun...
The healing has begun."
- Co. Midwives Association
To the women out there I have met, to the women out there I have yet to meet, to the women out there I might never be fortunate enough to come face-to-face with... I am calling you. I am calling you as sisters, I am calling you as companions.
I am on the journey of motherhood.
Take hold of this piece of my heart and be gentle with it. I am tender.
My journey to becoming a mother doesn't include the words pee-stick. positive. pregnancy. fetal movement. hormone-induced nausea. sonograms. uterus. bulging. contractions. trimester. induction. birth plan. lamaze. doula. homebirth. vagina. nipple stimulation. heart beat monitor. dilation. 10 centimeters. push! push! push! umbilical cord. breastfeeding.
I am on the journey of motherhood.
My journey to becoming a mother includes the words infertility. agency. international adoption. orphanage. Ethiopia. homestudy. checklists. dossier. state certication. social worker. multi-racial. post-office. notary. check and double check and triple check. parenting classes. reference letters. homeland security. fingerprints. employment letters. stamps. stalking of the mailman. approval. online tests. conference calls. emails. adoption consultant. dte (dossier to Ethiopia). number 88. The Wait. phone call. referral. acceptance. The Wait (again). court. court closures. guardianship. vaccinations. airline tickets. travel. visa.
Either/or, there is a family at the end. Either/or, there is growth in the process. Either/or, there is motherhood.
I am on the journey of motherhood.
To the women I have come to know, to the women I have yet to know but know me through my words on this blog- I call you sisters. Sisters on this journey to motherhood. You have heard me weep. You have heard me laugh. You know of my sorrows and my joys. I have been comforted by you, I have been led by you, I am who I am today on this journey because of you.
I am on the journey of motherhood.
Today, because of this journey, I am asking you to be a part of my BlessingWay.
I want you to help mark my rite of passage to motherhood.
Traditionally, a BlessingWay is held near the time of birthing (it originates from the Navajo people and was something I studied a bit when I was a labor doula). It is a time where friends gather in order to celebrate sisterhood. A time to honor motherhood and birth life. It's an occasion for a mother-to-be to feel strong and capable while being supported by a sisterhood of nurturing friends.
You have become my sisterhood.
If you would like to participate, I would ask this of you: please pick a bead from a local store or, if you have limited choices, go online to find something that touches you (www.artbeads.com). Before sending it to me, write down a poem, story or wish to accompany the bead. Once received, I will place the bead on a strand (determined by the order they are given). Eventually I will seal the strand and the beads can then be wrapped around my wrist or my neck.
Why this beaded piece of jewelry? For many, the bracelet or necklace is worn throughout labor. It's a focal point. It's a reminder. There are women out there that have borne children before you. There are women out there that are having children at the same moment as you are. There are women out there that will have children in the future.
We are not alone in this journey to motherhood.
As for me, I want those of you that have been a part of my journey to be present with us when we find out who our tawadaj is. I want those of you that have been a part of my journey (whether vocal or not) to be present with us while we are waiting for legal guardianship. I want those of you that have been part of my journey to be present with us when we hold our baby for the first time.
I want the physical reminder that I am not alone on my journey to motherhood. You are there. Your strength, your words, your prayers, your directions- they will be with me. I can look and remember I am with others that have been on this journey to motherhood. That I will get through this trying time. That, in the end, I will be a mother. Just like you. Or just like those that are about to become mothers. Or those that are in the very beginning of their journey and can remind me where I have come from.
Can you imagine how amazing it would be if we could all send a bit of ourselves to each other? A simple bead... something picked out especially to represent your presence. Words of blessing. Advice. Love. Compassion.
Join me in this journey. This journey to motherhood. I promise to do the same for anyone that asks....
